Stop the presses! Hollywood in targeting young males shock!

(from LPATCOABA)

Incredibly, it has emerged today that bosses at Universal, Paramount, and Warner Bros. Have decided to focus thier attentions on the profitable 'young male' demographic. Hooking them into money spinning franchises such as Transformers, Iron Man, and Hot Wheels, with the promise of glistening lady parts, sparkly explosions, big booms, and loud noises. Once hooked it is believed that these 'young males' will gladly return again and again regardless of the ever dwindling quality as the succession of identi-flicks lumber on like some bloated and aging musical theatre diva still drawing the crowds in vegas. And lets not forget all the pretty toys that go along with the pictures, the little men made out of clay, the sip along snacks and sit along furniture, and the must-have-it-now-but-only-cos-I-is-ironic 10 year olds branded costume.


This is really nothing new. Way back when in the way old 80s  Arkoff and Nicholson at AIP formulate the 'Peter Pan theory" which pretty much spells it out.


a) a younger child will watch anything an older child will watch;
b) an older child will not watch anything a younger child will watch;
c) a girl will watch anything a boy will watch
d) a boy will not watch anything a girl will watch;
therefore-to catch your greatest audience you zero in on the 19-year old male


Groundbreaking huh? Does this mean we're officially back in the 80s now then? big bangs big boobs and big boys toys?


super.

Where the Wild things Aught to be.

The clever folks over at We Love You So have been running a competition asking clever photoshop whizzards to sent in images of where the wild things aught to be. It's like the loveliness from the book/film is seeping out into the world in tiny pieces. I'd like to imagine it's sort of real, being as the wild things are imagination embodied, it's plausible to me that they're everywhere already.


s'what i like to think anyway.

Jazz Hands! 'A Star is (re-)Born'

THR is reporting that Warner Bros have tapped up Will Fetters ('Remember me') to draft a new version of the classic tale of rise and fall in the Hollywood machine. Rumours abound that Beyonce could fill Judy's rather impressive boots, but frankly at this stage it's anybody's guess. 

Creation finally picks up a US distributor.

After receiving a largely warm reception at the Toronto Film Festival it was rather disappointing that the Darwin biopic failed to garner much interest from US distributors. It could have been that the religious right aren't really that keen on the whole 'evolution' thing... so a level or reticence was, perhaps, understandable. nobody wants to inflame that bunch of crazies. That said, it might have had more to do with Jen Con's permanently slapped face.

Indie film floggers Newmarket are the lucky puppies who've picked up the rights, and it should hit cinemas around christmas.

*coughoscarbaitingcough*

'Wuthering Heights', again.

I love this book with all my heart. I'm not sure actually just why I love it so much. I suppose Emily Bronte's only novel's status as a 'classic' exempts me from having to justify my ardour. 

The prospect of another adaptation may strike some as rather unnecessary, there is, after all, about twenty renditions in existence already. Numerous box office assaults, from the Lawrence Oliver's 1939 version, to Peter Kosminskey's 1992 version, have been made, as well as many televisual delights ranging from the traditional, to the 'moderne' (I'm looking at you MTV). 

One may well ask what this new venture has to offer, well what? Well i shall tell you. 

Ed Westwick. 

That's what. And Gemma Arteton, and the producers behind Becoming Jane and Charlotte Grey (Douglas Rae and Robert Bernstein). Both of which I think are pretty amazing.

plus, 

Ed Westwick.

Boom.

"Sweet Valley High - the teenage pregnancy years"?

(doesn't she look pleased?)       

Universal are on a roll, They've hooked Diablo Cody up with the rights to Francine Pascall's epic (150 books at last count) chronicle of adolescence in Sweet Valley, California.  No word on casting or plot, but they have a hell of a lot of hi jinks to get through. 


To be honest I never really got into SVH it was all a white bread and butter. At fourteen though I got fucking obsessed with Pascall's other series "Fearless", about a girl born without the capacity to feel fear. She was badass, and went round at night getting in fights and playing chess in the park with bums. The books are full of fuck ups, drug addicts, near incest, abandonment, murder, kidnap, extortion, crips, and crazies. And they're set in New York, which ass fucks Southern California with a rusty pole.

Finally! Barbie the movie!

After half a century of phenomenal success as a toy, Barbie is finally set to star in her very own movie. Universal have acquired the rights to produce a film based on the 50 year old icon. It's surprising when according to Matell Barbie has 99% global brand awareness, you'd have thought they'd have tapped that shit a long time ago. Matell have been pretty protective of babs in the past so it's going to be interesting to see how this one pans out. Universal have a pretty miute line to tread between the image of a sexehfied bombshell on screen, and the attendant in jokes needed to hook the adult fanbase, with the squeaky clean image Matell have built

Also, how are they going to explain how a high school senior can be the president, a pilot, a nurse, a popstar, and a teacher all at once...

Not quite sure how they're going to cast it though, I mean i'm pretty sure those slammin stats don't translate well into reality. As the the BBC pointed out a while ago...

Seriously though, who the hell can live up to the impossible ideal? Brigite Bardot is kinda over the hill for this gig. Heather Graham Maybe?

'cept maybe a bit old... and pottymouthed... Maybe Sophie Monk?

Any better ideas?

(reuters)

Raindance is coming up,

And it's looking good. Much as I love the BFI London Film Festival, and shall be endeavouring to attend as much as possible, Raindance has a special place in my heart as the first film festival I ever attended. I worked there as a volunteer in 2004 (I think...) and it was an awesome experience, I got to hang out around loads of cool people, see loads of great films for free, and learn a ton about the film/festival industry. 

Raindance was set up in 1992 to support British independent film making, and since then they've been running courses, offering advice and support, and showcasing the best work around in the annual film festival. 

This year's lineup looks awesome, I wand to see, in no particular order: 

'Colin' a horror movie shot on 45 pounds, 

'Exam' a movie about the worst job interview you can imagine, 

'Hotaru' a Japanese movie about a love affair between a stripper and a potter (oh Barney where are you to guide me through this film?), 

'I think We're Alone Now' looks like a pretty disturbing documentary about two stalkers of the 1980s teen sensation Tiffany, 

'Philosopher Kings' is about the things seen and heard by the janitors of Ivy League.

'A Necessary Death' has garnered a LOT of attention. About a documentary film maker who puts out an advert for a person who wants to commit suicide, then documents the lead up and event.

'The Girlfriend Experience' closes the festival, so I probably won't be able to get a ticket, i'll still find a way to see it though...

Go see.

I love Miramax.

even more than ever before. I just got the nicest rejection email ever:

Hi Layla,

Thanks for your nice note. Unfortunately we have a hiring freeze across Disney and are not hiring, but I will definitely keep your details on file.

Best of luck,

"nice note"

♥

"I can’t believe Michael is fucking forcing us to go to the fucking pyramids!"

Ah megan, megan megan megan. Jezebel keeps trying to persuade me that I should like you, but I just can't.

Comparing your boss to Hitler? really megan? In Hollywood? Really? I mean you kinda set yourself up for the "dumb-as-a-rock" label huh?

As much as the assembled over at Jezebel would like to believe that you're just a strong opinionated woman who's not taking shit anymore, I would actually be more inclined to believe the three anonymous crew members with a combined industry experience. Your ill chosen words sound like the unselfconscious and self important burbling of somebody who just doesn't get it. The unwritten rules in life that somehow the exceptionally attractive don't feel apply to them. Not that I'm some bitter uggo, but really: 

So he's a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he's not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it's endearing to watch him. He's vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he's a tyrant. 

 Megan! can you not see how obnoxiously patronising that is?! I'm no fan of Michael Bay but seriously, calling your boss, who has many many many years of experience over you 'vulnerable and fragile'? 'it's endearing to watch him'? are you kidding? forget Hitler, that's where the offence lies. It demonstrates a total lack of respect, and that's assuming some kind of privileged knowledge, that only you, in your marvelous glory can see through Mr. Bay's facade. 

So when the crew members say

'Never expect Megan to attend any of the 15 or so crew parties like all the other actors have. And then there's the classless night she blew off The Royal Prince of Jordan who made a special dinner for all the actors. She doesn’t know that one of the grips daughters wanted to visit their daddy’s work to meet Megan, but he wouldn’t let them come because he told them “she is not nice."'

I believe them. It's the same blithely self-absorbed behavior that is evident in your description of Mr. Bay, not to mention earlier head on desk moments like this, and this, and this (the 'dabbling' bit) among many. I'm not sure if you're famous enough for this episode to not affect you, perhaps you are, but I really hope something in it helps you figure out the value of a little humility.

I've never seen you act, i confess, so I'll reserve my critical judgement for now, I won't write you off or condemn your sexeh ness. I'll even cut you some slack personally, maybe you're just not very articulate, maybe. and maybe you're no social butterfly, ok. 

But when you're in Egypt, and you can't shoot for a day, 'I can’t believe Michael is fucking forcing usto go to the fucking pyramids!" is really not going to help you.

This film makes me want to sell shit.

Looks awesome.

Kevin Smith's on my side.

At the recent Comic-con he mentioned Twilight and, when his legions of fans booed and jeered, Smith chastised them roundly:

"That's the next generation of fans!" Smith said. "That's what I love about a comic book convention. People will come to a convention, stand there in a Spock costume, look at someone in a Chewie costume, and say, 'Look at that f__in' geek. How dare you pass judgment on those 12-year-old girls who like vampires!"(newsarama)

It's an interesting phenomenon this anti-Twilight fanboy rage, Vanetta Rogers over at newsarama, looks at the idea that there are inherently differing fan practices at work, with female fans engaging on an emotional level where male fans engage on a technical level. And, loathe as I am to swallow the old 'girls are emotional' schtick, it is a kinda plausible hypothesis. Anthropologist Louise Krasniewicz who  studyies fandom at the University of Pennsylvania observes,

"I've discovered at different comic book conventions that it's more about 'can you top this?' The men know what superhero did this and in what issue he did it. It's almost a competition game. With women, there doesn't tend be as much of a competition where they want to prove they know more. Their discussions are more likely to be about their emotional response to the characters. They want to talk about how the stories make them feel."

Which rings true of my adult self, although my sixteen year old self might disagree. However when Michael McMillian points out that

"One characteristic both [male and female] audiences seem to share is sexuality... In either case, whether it's Laura Croft or Edward Cullen, there are obvious sexual projections onto the characters of these fictional worlds. Genre seems to play a large role in sexual and emotional escape."

It becomes all too tempting to open the can of worms labeled "sex is emotional for wimmins, but not for mens". 

3. Teen Fare, Kinda My Thing.

I like teen movies, in fact, I love them with every fibre of my tiny beating heart. I love John Hughes, and I love Bill and Ted, I love Clueless, and Save the Last Dance, and Mean Girls, and Step Up, and everything in between. no shame. just love. I wrote my dissertation on teen movies so I can claim some academic legitimacy if I want to, but i don't really want to. I'd rather just revel in the awesome sunny american gorgeousness and the hugely inflated issues, and the frocks and the drama and the dance sequences, and the vampires, and the undying love and the bad parents and the cars at sixteen, and the annoying younger siblings, and the kooky best friends, and the zeitgiesty soundtrack. So here's a few coming up that I'm pretty excited about.


Twilight: New Moon is clearly going to be the greatest film this year. And I honestly think that the franchise is of serious artistic and cultural merit. I blame most of the films faults on the shoddy dialogue skills of Stephany Meyers, not the narrative and characterisation that she crafted. Twilight taps into so many female fantasies, of being perceived as extraordinary despite our ordinariness, as being totally central to someone's life (or un-life.. whatever), so much so that they exist only to for us, without expecting to be cleaned, bathed, ego massaged or fed. Or just that somebody finds us SO desirable that he can't bear to be away from use even though he might kill us by being around. sigh. Also, Edward Cullen is just SO HOT (no, not Robert Pattinson, just the character).


I have an article I'll get round to writing one day, a comparison between Let the Right One In and Twilight. They're pretty much the same film.







Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is a suit's idea of making money off the back of the afore mentioned Cullen boy. It looks shit though. and John C Reilly will not be enough to save it (for shame John, although your knowing brows do lend an air of irony that might buoy the film for a few moments). A Carnival of freaks, midgets, and Vampires who don't actually kill people. It's like Todd Browning Meets The Fast Show.


But, like Whip It, I'll still watch it.







Fame was awesome first time round. Not precisely a teen movie per se but i'm pretty sure more teenagers watched it than any other demographic. The new one looks awesome, all the pieces are in place, dancing, legwarmers, angst. Not a whole lot to analyse, I just wonder if they'll include the social commentary of the original.

2. Hip/Indie/Difficult. for better or for worse.

I am a film student after all, I can't help that I love Zooey Deshanel more than my own mother, that Ellen Page is going to sing at my funeral, or that the meer mention of a Chloe Sevigny makes me talk kinda funny.
I'm PROGRAMMED PEOPLE.


Whip It. I know I want to like it, i also know that it's terrible. I mean, Drew, sweetie, I love you, 4 eva, but seriously, just because you switch cheerleading with rollerblading, and make the love interest kinda icky looking, it does not an 'alternative' film make. A controlling mum? really? an understanding dad? is there a marginally less kooky side kick? there is?! oh good! You can't just throw Juliet Lewis at a movie and expect the cool to stick.


I'll probably still see it though.







Michael Cera Is every indie film's wet dream. and every alterna-chick's fantasy fuck. I don't really find him sexually appealing but I do find him bloody funny. Youth in Revolt is gratuitously Michael Cera, (it enters the world with nothing but a child like sense of wonder). So it's gratuitously porno/sexual/funny, depending on your perspective. If you like Clark and Michael then you'll love this. And no. I won't give a cursory summary.


and that was a bad intro. but here's the trailer.







Lying looks kinda like the Virgin Suicides, but without all the suicide. except Lying is actually about the women in the film. Three women alone in a secluded house for a weekend, usually spells horror. or porn. this is neither. It's an intensely human narrative, just, women, together, being human. I don't really know what it's about but i know i want it.





Last in this category is The Men Who Stare at Goats, based on a true story (no really) about CIA experiments in mind control, it looks like a now standard Clooney funny politico movie. That is to say, funny... but also political. clever huh? I like the approach actually, I mean Guantanamo/Abu Ghraib was hideous beyond measure, but really, by laughing at the situation surely we can only divest it of it's power? instead of simply lying down in the awfulness and howling in misery, lauging reveals the gross absurdity of the situation. 


...or something.

1. Films that were books I loved.

The Road was one of the most harrowing books I have ever read. I read it in a day, while in Bonaire, and I went to bed hungry. There's no way I was going to be able to eat after the scene in the old house. By th look of the trailer they seem to have done a pretty amazing job with the narrative and atmosphere, and you can't really argue with Viggo Mortensen. Plus, Marc Butan produced But I'm a Cheerleader, and The Rules of Attraction. so....

The Lovely Bones is serious too, I mean, it is about a fourteen year old girl who is brutally murdered and her family's lengthy quest to fid out whodunnit, buut... there is, also, well, in the book anyway, a sex-from-beyond-the-grave sequence. And, if the trailer is to be believed, plenty of dream scape pastel colours. As with Mortenson, you just can't argue with Wahlberg. Plus the lead is and young Irish actress in a Hollywood film, which is as rare as a hipster in hollister. So this film automatically gets my thumbs up in its direction.

Where the Wild Things Are was, and remains, one of my very favourite books of ALL TIME. And if Spike Jonze managed to fuck it up i will be very very upset. Luckily, I don;t think he will fuck it up, I think Spike has just the right level of weirdly understandable insanity, with just the right sense of aesthetic absurdity, to pull it off. Now please can we have In the Night Kitchen too?

It's not out for a while yet, and Sienna Miller is in it, but Never Let Me Go deserves a mention here too. If only because Kazuo Ishiguro is a genius, and I'd watch an educational film about venereal disease among the leaperous ladyboy prostitutes of south east asia, if you told me Ishiguro had written the original. actually... wait, that could be an interesting documentary... point is Ishiguro is da bomb. as they say on the streets.

Bless me interwebs for I have sinned.

I's been two months since my last cinematic experience.


I saw Year One.*


I hate myself.


My only excuse is the extreme poverty that I have found myself in of late. And I do hope to remedy this situation fast. Thus, my first (proper) post will be devoted to trailers of things that I Shall be seeing in the coming weeks and months. I present them to you in several parts.

1. Films that were books that I love (A surprisingly large category)
2. Hip/Indie/Difficult. For better or for worse.
3. Teen fare. Kinda my thing. No bones made.

*Not as  horrible as you might think. There is always something to be gained from the presence of Jack Black's face, and Michael Cera's limbs. I'll admit I chuckled a few cheap chuckles, but the fact that I can't even really remember what happened tells me all I need to know about my true feelings on the film.

This is my new thing.

As film is really where I put my heart to bed each night, here will be where said devotion is reflected. I fear if i do not flex my cinematic fibers every now and again I may lose the use of them for good.

Thus, I shall write here of fillum related things, reviews and trailers, gossip and news. And the odd overblown academic treatise. If you're lucky I'll start posting my essays from my book learnin' days.

Introductions are best kept brief